My Mom has been bugging me to write this post since November 20th but I’ve stubbornly held my ground. I told her I didn’t want to write post it until I had been sworn in because some small part of me still believes that the California Bar is going to call me and tell me they had made a mistake. I even told her that she couldn’t throw away my bar study books until December 17th (my swearing in date). I’m not paranoid, just overly suspicious that good things can happen to me.
Did I mention that I PASSED THE CALIFORNIA BAR?
One surgery, Six months of chemotherapy treatment, Three months of studying, Three days of testing, 18 hours of examination, 6 Essays, 2 Performance Tests, 200 Multiple choice questions and….One year and nine days to the day of my last chemo treatment I was sworn in as an attorney after passing the hardest Bar in the country.
Life these last few weeks has been like an ending to some unbearably cheesy Hallmark movie. You know the one where after your done watching it you feel unexplainably better about the world. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, and money grows on trees!!
But that is why I waited so long to write this blog post. This blog has always been a reflection of my rawest emotions. At times this blog has watered down those darkest, hardest moments because there were and are some things that have happened over the last year and a half that were so shitty, so heartbreaking, and so personal that I didn’t post them on here. If this blog was only me sharing the darkest moments I’m sure most of you wouldn’t have made it this far, or at least if I was on the outside looking in I’m not sure I would have made it this far with me.
I wanted this post to be joyous, because I’m not going to lie… it feels AWESOME. I’m sure Gavin will tell you I’m a much more enjoyable spouse now. But I also don’t want to be disingenuous–I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that passing the bar does not erase the shit that I’ve had to go through. Everyone has to go through some shit, but man I (we, you, yes you are included because you lived it with me) went through SOME SHIT.
So one day on my way to the Bar I got a little sidetracked. But I ended up making it to the Bar, not entirely in the same place I was when I started my journey, but when I got there and I shut the Bar DOWN.
I’m not entirely sure this blog will continue, mostly because I’d rather end on a high note like Derek Jeter then be forced into retirement by my own irrelevancy. I do have a follow up appointment with my oncologist for that lump on my neck that continues to grow for January 5th (which is the day that just happens to mark my 1 year remission date). Maybe I’ll continue to post. Maybe I won’t.
We’ll just have to wait and see, shall we? Besides, I am being true to you, to myself, and to my struggle against cancer by ending this post on the emotions of hope, happiness, and always a bit of ambiguity and nerves that will never go away because I have been irreparably changed by my journey.
Ok enough of that. Let’s celebrate…
I MADE IT TO THE BAR. FUCK OFF CANCER!!!! JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF!
You can find me at the Bar,